Blowing off some steam...

First of all, a song.



I'm listening to this for the third time. General mood helps me get fixated on things...
I'm not really sure why am I writing this. Been out of twitter for a few days, and nobody really knows this thing exists...
Slowly, I'm detaching myself from reality. First time I felt it (since the last time, of course) was when I was reading Philip K Dick's Radio Free Albemuth and almost believed a supernatural entity called VALIS exists. I'm afraid that, buried deep in my bedroom, I'm clingin onto the fiction I get my eye on, and to my own fantasies. And it feels the loneliest I felt for months. Second Life doesn't help anymore, it's as much part of that fiction as the rest. Unemployed, alone for most of the day, no will to go out... And I know, I'm holding on this adolescent phase, but truth of the matter is no one really knows how it feels. Feels bad, to have to spend the whole day just crawling from one place to another in the house, that constant feeling of pain without actually having something aching, not to mention finding something to fill the hours with without going crazy.
And this loneliness doesn't help, because it's not like I have many friends. More like nonexistent. People bore me to death, and I can't seem to find anyone. Most of the people I know treat me like my girlfriend's appendix.
I have the feeling I'm the one who's trapping myself in this condition. I just wish I knew what to do about it. Well, I do know what to do. Showing myself with a little dignity and less submissive to everybody else would be a start. But I can't bring myself to that. And the less I can do it, the less I can actually meet people. And the less I meet people, the more I victimize myself. So i'm kinda trapped in a loop...
Anyway, that's all for now. I'll try to keep you (whoever you might be)posted. Oh, and if you got here, thanks for reading.